Thank You

This blog gives me the chance to thank those of you who have prayed for Margaret and I over the last few months. To be on the receiving end of God’s grace supplied in response to those who have stood with us and supported us through these days is a precious thing. Its possible to relegate prayer to a fairly low level on the care spectrum, taking someone to hospital, providing a meal or cutting someone’s grass can seem so much more practical. Resist the thought. To be a faithful prayer partner to someone in need is to be part of the most practical support service imaginable.

QUESTIONS

Prayer though raises many questions particularly when situations don’t change or when our requests get refused. Do I lack sufficient faith or is there a question mark over Gods love for me? Last week in our Bible study group we were looking at the prayer Paul prayed for his Ephesian brothers and sisters. It has this line in it: I pray…..that you may have power, together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long, high and deep is the love of Christ. Does it not seem strange to suggest we need power to grasp that we are loved by God? Isn’t love something that is self-evident. After all most of us are pretty clear about those who love us and those who don’t.

SILENCE.

The simple fact is there are lots of things that challenge Gods love for us, not least our prayers going unanswered. Paul prayed three times for God to remove his ‘thorn in the flesh’ and each time the request was refused. My guess is most of us will have experienced something similar. We may have pleaded urgently and repeatedly for a situation to change all to no avail. Such experiences can loosen our grip on how God feels about us.

CLARITY

The problem lies in the lens through which we view things. I need the strength to look away from myself and my difficult circumstances to the one place where God has revealed the extent of his compassion and commitment towards us. I need Gods power to redirect me to the cross of Christ and its achievements on my behalf. How does the forgiveness of my sin compare with the cure of my disease or the prospect of the new creation with being able to go on holiday again? Is the privilege of calling God my Father outweighed by the resumption of normal family life?

CONFLICT

Notice this is not a prayer to be prayed in isolation but ‘together with all the saints’. This morning I read Psalm 27. It’s a psalm of King David and as such it points us to God’s ultimate King, the Lord Jesus. We pray this psalm along with him. The psalm draws up the battle lines with enemies and armies advancing against the King and the words of v12 bring Jesus experience in sharp focus: Do not hand me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, spouting malicious accusations.

REFUGE

But at the heart of the psalm there is this place of safety. It referred to as ‘the house of the Lord’, ‘his temple’ and ‘his sacred tent’. Its natural to think in terms of the temple in Jerusalem but by Jesus time that had become a den of robbers and the HQ of his enemies. Jesus looks not to that building but to his people, these living stones who he is building into a spiritual house. Jesus will say to his disciples, “You are those who have stood by me in my trials.” (Luke 22:28) It is a great description of the church. These are people who will stand by me in my trials. My trials may be illness or bereavement or perhaps I will mess up morally or drift into spiritual indifference. What a gift to have those who at these times will pray for God to strengthen our grip on his steadfast love for us in Christ.

NEXT WEEK

Next week sees me at the Royal Infirmary for my stem cell harvest. I’m told to set the week aside as these things can be protracted. Thanks for your prayers.

Any Joy?

If you were to play the word association game with the term ‘joy’ its not hard to imagine the responses you would get: happiness, health, holidays, achievement, victory and no doubt lots more on that vein. Behind these words are ideas like security, confidence and control. If you were to play the game with ‘cancer’ it’s fair to say ‘joy’ wouldn’t be on the list. Illness and disease belong alongside those other threats to our well being like injustice and discrimination. These things breed fear and anxiety. There is no doubt the human spirit is resourceful in the face of adversity. On Monday a lady arrived in the ward and was promptly asked if she would like something to drink. Without a moment’s hesitation she replied, “Coffee please, not too strong, blue milk, no sugar and 2 pieces of lemon drizzle”. Here was someone intent on making the best of difficult circumstances. But is some cake with my chemo all I can hope for?

JOY IN SUFFERING?

The Bible offers a different route to joy. It comes from someone awaiting trial on trumped up charges with the real possibility he will be found guilty of a capital offence. Like someone suffering from a potentially terminal illness his life looks precarious. Yet this is what he writes, “Further my brothers and sisters, rejoice in the Lord…….it is a safeguard for you.” (Phil 3:1) You may be seriously ill or you may be on death row, the good news is there is a safe place. Finding your joy in the Lord is to find a secure place to centre your fragile life.

It goes without saying that in the normal run of things joy belongs to the winners, those with cash to spend, kids who are ‘doing well’, those with a good network of friends and who follow the right football team. It’s easy to think these things put a kind of protective wall around your life. But not only is serious illness not fazed by any of this there is a far greater danger to be reckoned with.

BEYOND TRUE OR FALSE.

As someone who spent around 14 hours attached to a drip last weekend I get quite a lot of time to read. Guillaume Bignot has written a book called ‘Confessions of a French Atheist’. Bignot is a high achiever. He is a software engineer in finance, plays in a band and has represented his country at volley ball. He is also tall, good looking and someone who finds no difficulty in attracting young ladies. As a result of a chance encounter with an attractive woman, he started to engage with Christianity, not it should be said because he was interested in faith but rather the potential relationship. Yet as he begins to read the Bible he is attracted by the figure of Jesus, acknowledges the gospels seem trustworthy and comes to a place where intellectually he accepts that the Christianity is true. But he is left with a question: Why did Jesus have to die?

Its at this point in the story that God as it were re-connects his conscience to ‘the mains’. All his past sleeping around, one-night stands and two timing, normal behaviour for French atheists suddenly appears for what it is – immoral, self-indulgent, and above all dangerous. Reflecting on his past he can see a trail of discarded relationships and betrayed friendships. This is behaviour that attracts the judgment of God. Reality dawns and its terrible but it also the answer to his question. Jesus died to provide a place of safety for immoral, self-indulgent French atheists.

SAFETY FIRST.

The apostle Paul did not sleep around but he did live competitively. He tells us ‘I was advancing in Judaism beyond many of my own age’ and as part of that process he was arresting, imprisoning and even approving the execution of Jesus followers. But like Guillaume Bignot God quickened his conscience and showed him the trail of devastation running through his past. Paul will come to see the death of Jesus as the one safe place in the universe for people like him whose past attracts the judgment of God. And whilst all that is a matter of faith in the present, there is a day coming when these things will be visible and tangible as Gods wrath is expressed, Jesus victory is complete and his people are kept safe. These are things we can rejoice in whatever the circumstances of our lives.

Anthems

How would you describe the mood music of your life – more Tigger than Eeyore? An American friend was telling me about someone who was consulting a psychiatrist over their mental health. The eventual diagnosis concluded that they weren’t depressed just Scottish! Blame the weather, the football or the neighbours. ‘Flower of Scotland’, a downbeat, wistful anti-English anthem seems entirely appropriate to a nation that gave the word ‘dour’ to the world.

Contrast that with those we meet inn the pages of the Bible. They sing in prison. The psalmists stir their souls not to forget all Gods benefits. Daniel knew what it was to sing the Lord’s song in a strange land, continuing to give thanks three times a day despite the potential cost. To be a Christian is to be among those who ‘sing and make music in their heart to the Lord’

OUT OF TUNE?

Suffering threatens to eclipse gratitude. As unexpected new hurdles have appeared this week there have been times when thanksgiving has been the first casualty. The problem arises when the line of ‘what I consider reasonable’ is crossed. A week that began by looking fairly free of hospitals, a few phone calls later demanded three further mornings of treatment. On the other side of ‘that line’ the song is much more likely to be one of self pity and victimhood. So where do we go when the sound from our lives is tuneless and discordant? Here are a couple of things I have tried to remind myself of as I have struggled this week.

SINGING LESSONS

The apostle Paul, a man who knew a great deal more about suffering than I ever will, wrote: Therefore we do not lose heart, though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. (2 Cor 4:17) Physical deterioration is both real and difficult. It can produce despondency and cast a shadow over my relationship with God. Christopher Ash in his book ‘Zeal without Burnout’ has written helpfully on the subject of inward renewal. As I have found, unexpected demands have the ability to become de-motivating. The Bibles answer is to know how to renew yourself inwardly. We all have things in our lives that energise us. I like to potter in my veg patch. Even clearing the weeds to leave a tidy section of soil gives me pleasure. Jamie Oliver’s 30 Minute meals are fun to make and usually appreciated by others. Its been good to intentionally keep in touch with friends or enjoy one of our family calling in. These are activities that renew our awareness of the goodness of God.

THE SONG OF GRACE.

For me they need to be coupled to my daily intake of Gods word. This is not a dutiful chore but a vital element in living in a fallen world with all its difficulties and dangers. Tim Chester quotes Rudyard Kipling’s poem ‘If’. “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster, and treat these 2 imposters just the same……you’ll be a Man, my son!” Chester goes onto say, “Kipling was right. Triumph and Disaster are imposters in this sense; they do not make us who we are. You could add sickness and health to that list. We are who we are by Gods grace. It’s the word of God that renews me inwardly by reminding me of his steadfast love when I am stumbling in my sin or reveals to me his unbreakable promises for my daily struggles. It’s these things that are able to restore thanksgiving to its place and get me singing the ‘Song of Grace’.

Update: I am now at the end of part 1 (Three rounds of chemo) The scan shows that these have been satisfactory and I am to move into part 2. This promises to be more involved (more stages) more demanding (stronger chemo) and will require a spell as an inpatient. As always your prayers are very much appreciated. Thank you.

A Different Outlook

I’m writing this on the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee. Queen Elizabeth II has been on the throne of the UK and its Commonwealth for the last 70 years. It’s a remarkable story but not merely for its longevity. Here is what someone has written about her: “Rarely has a public figure taken a promise so seriously as the vow Her Majesty the Queen made on her 21st birthday in 1947: ‘I declare before you all that my whole life – whether it be long or short – shall be devoted to your service’”

This is someone who has lived in a palace and been surrounded by lavish wealth and yet the bling, the status, the horses – well maybe not the horses, don’t seem to be that important. The values that inform her life are things like duty, restraint and service. It doesn’t have to be like that. Others from that environment have viewed royal privilege as a route to showbusiness or commentary. Here is a woman who sees things differently. So how do I see things? What of my values? What has captured my attention as desirable?

SUFFERING AND PROSPERITY

Health foods are no longer found tucked away in a back street somewhere. They are mainstream. I’ve been introduced to the Kefir Smoothy, good for your digestion apparently. And the Pharmaceutical industry is a multi billion pound enterprise largely because we love health and hate suffering. It allows us to pursue the good life - nice things, smart tech, relaxing holidays.

My cancer attracts people’s sympathy. Ellon Musk’s billions attracts our envy. But here is the strange thing. Open the Bible and listen to Jesus warn not of the dangers of getting sick but rather rich. In Luke’s gospel on at least 9 occasions he lays out the dangers of wealth. And that’s a problem because prosperity is pretty much the air we breathe. It’s assumed to be a good thing. Why would you not want to be a millionaire?

EYE TEST

James Casson was a Christian GP who was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He writes honestly of the anguish involved. But he also described the experience in terms seeing things differently. I once drove my parents back from Doncaster on a cold winter’s day when the fluid in the washers had frozen. It was a slow and slightly precarious journey as the salt spray on the road gradually obscured your surroundings. Casson’s likened his suffering to a blast of the washers on a muddy windscreen that cleared his vision.

Its easy to think suffering merely impoverishes us. It interferes with my plans or cuts down my ability to enjoy life. Suffering can be a tool God uses to open our eyes to true and lasting prosperity. The letter to the Ephesians lays out Gods generosity. It describes the ‘riches of his grace’ It goes on to refer to the ‘immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness towards us’. It designates God as ‘rich in mercy’. He is said to have ‘lavished upon us ….. the forgiveness of our trespasses’

RICH TOWARDS GOD.

To suffer and to face your own departure from this world reveals a long list of things that are utterly irrelevant. It will matter little what make of car I have driven or holiday destinations I have visited or whether I am judged a success or failure but to have seen and valued God’s rich mercy, his lavish love and his immeasurable grace will be of the utmost importance.

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